Mental health break up: Scummy or selfcare ?

I saw a post today on Facebook saying how if you dump someone struggling with their mental health, you’re scum. It got me thinking about whether it’s mean or just self-preservation...

Even as someone who has been dumped for my anxiety (twice), I can see both sides of the argument. I am fully aware that I am a pain, but when I’m seeing someone, I do like to make it clear that I don’t need a babysitter.

However, I do imagine it can be draining having to be extra aware of the other person. I definitely think the way the dumping situation is handled impacts how much of a scumbag you are. If you point out all of their little quirks and say that is why, then that’s just unnecessary.

The first time it happened, I was forced to doctors’ appointments that I didn’t want to go to because he said if I wasn’t given medication to sort me out, he would leave. The doctor advised I didn’t need medication and at the time that was the worst news, because that meant that he would leave. And he did.

The second time, I was told I was mentally unstable and needed professional help. (I would just like to point out he then refused to leave my house, so I may have not been the only unstable one in that situation)

I’ll admit it both of these have messed me up a bit and I now just assume it will happen again and haven’t had a functional relationship since. Yes, the guys may have been frustrated, but to make it all about the one thing I can’t help is quite low.

On the other hand I do understand that in some situations a person’s mental health can start to negatively effect the partner. They start to feel down, and they start to feel not good enough because they’re unable to help. They might miss out on things they want to do and slowly drift from their friends because their attention is focused elsewhere. It can stop been a two-way relationship. The only person who fully knows what the can handle is them.

I’m not saying all relationships where one or both people have mental health issues are destined to fail or be one sided. My sister and her boyfriend are like relationship goals, they’re so unbelievable cute. They get on with whatever comes and handle everything together. They support and care for each other equally and it really works well.

I think all relationships can be messy no matter what and if you feel like you need to leave the situations that should be okay. My only advice is don’t make it all about the persons mental health, because they are more than that and what you say can make them worse. Just be tactful!